Kidney Bean Rabbit (Welsh Rarebit)

Comfort food is a state of mind as much as it is sustenance, and for me Kidney Bean Rabbit has always been pretty high on the list. I spent a ridiculous number of years trying to figure out why it was called "Rabbit" when there isn't any rabbit in it, and then finally discovered it was a mispronunciation of "Rarebit" that just stuck. At any rate, it's what we've always called it in my family.

It's not for everyone. You can't be a food snob. It uses Velveeta, and I know there are a great number of people who find that offensive. You know what I say to those people? Don't eat any. I'll take yours. ;)

Simple enough ingredients, no? Usually I serve it over toast, but I had this package of English muffins that there was no way I was going to have time to eat before they got too old to want to, so I used them instead. It doesn't require Velveeta... when I was a kid we used to make it with government cheese (if you're not familiar then you didn't grow up poor, bless your heart). Some kind of processed American-type cheese in a brick is what you want, though. I tried to make it with cheddar once, and it doesn't work. You need that creamy, melty-ness of processed cheese food.

This is the top half of my double boiler. You want to use a double boiler, not just a heavy pan. If you don't have a double boiler, this is going to be a little harder. Normally I'd say to put a mixing bowl over a pan of simmering water (like if you were melting chocolate or something), but since this recipe requires you to saute the green pepper in butter directly over heat I honestly don't know what to tell you. Maybe use a smaller saucepan inside a bigger one? I suppose you could saute in a small frying pan while heating a mixing bowl over water, then dump it in when you get to the next step. But you should really own a double boiler. They're infinitely useful!

Once the green pepper is softened, then you place the top pan over the pan of simmering water and add everything else to it. I always cut the Velveeta into chunks because it fits in the pan easier, but whatever you want to do is fine. It's gonna melt anyway. What's important here is to NOT rinse or drain the kidney beans! You need that liquid, because otherwise all you have is melted Velveeta with a little bit of ketchup and butter to thin it, and it's going to be so thick you might as well skip melting it.

Simmer, and stir. Simmer, and stir. It takes about 10-15 minutes for all the Velveeta to melt, which is about enough time to toast whatever bread-type thing you're using. Apparently I chose not to take a picture of the English muffins other than in their package, but I'm sure you don't really need a picture to know how to toast bread, right? Toast, butter, repeat, until you have how much you want. We usually do two pieces of toast (or one English muffin) per serving, and it'll feed four.

No. That's a bald-faced lie. It makes four servings. But it only serves two. Sometimes only one. I don't make it very often, so when I do we're like Charlie when he buys his first Wonka Bar... that first bowl goes down so fast we're practically elbowing each other out of the way to get at our second.

Tear whatever bread you're using into bite-sized pieces (or cut it if you don't want to get butter all over your hands, whatever), then ladle something like 1/4 of the Kidney Bean Rabbit over the top. It'll be thick, and creamy, and it'll stick to the spoon and your lips, and it'll be nirvana. The first bite often makes me give a little involuntary moan of pure bliss.

If you don't like Velveeta, I feel sorry for you. But I'll be happy to eat your portion. :)

Kidney Bean Rabbit (Welsh Rarebit)

Serves 4

2 tablespoons butter
1/2 cup diced green bell pepper
2 tablespoons ketchup
1/8 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon onion powder
1 can (14.5 ounce) kidney beans (don't drain or rinse)
1/2 pound processed cheese (Velveeta)
8 bread slices (buttered toast cut or torn into pieces)

Step 1
Heat water in bottom of double boiler to a boil.

Step 2
Meanwhile, in the top of the double boiler over direct heat, melt butter; add green pepper and cook until softened, about 5 minutes.

Step 3
Add seasonings, beans and cheese to green pepper and place pan over pot of boiling water.

Step 4
Cook, stirring occasionally, about 10 minutes, or until cheese is completely melted and mixture is heated through.

Step 5
Serve over toast triangles or pieces.

Serving Size: 1 (234.2 g)

Calories 360.7

Total Fat - 17.8 g

Saturated Fat - 10.6 g

Cholesterol - 47 mg

Sodium - 791.9 mg

Total Carbohydrate - 30.8 g

Dietary Fiber - 3.7 g

Sugars - 4.9 g

Protein - 20.5 g

Seriously... How can you not want this?