This Year's Truly Ridiculous Birthday Cake

Some years ago, I started this tradition where I throw myself a birthday party at my favourite neighbourhood bar, and the last several years I've upped the ante and also make what I've come to call my truly ridiculous birthday cakes. They're completely over the top, decadent, and you're pretty sure you're gonna die (but die happy) while you're still eating them. They tend to weigh in at five or so pounds, and they tend to cost a great deal of money. They also are something you pretty much NEVER want to even think about their nutrition information.

This year's cake was adapted slightly from a recipe originally posted by A Beautiful Bite, and it was not just everything I hoped it would be, but considerably more.

Flour, sugar, baking soda, baking powder, eggs, butter, powdered sugar... all pretty standard cake ingredients. But then you get into what makes this one special: Kahlua (the original called for vanilla extract), Guinness, Irish Cream (I owned Emmet's or I would've used Bailey's), instant coffee (the original called for espresso powder), coconut oil (the original called for vegetable oil), and Greek yogurt.

Tell me a cake made with alcohol doesn't sound exactly perfect for a birthday cake when the party takes place at a bar!

First, you whisk together the dry ingredients, then set them aside. One thing I always forget about working with cocoa powder is how incredibly dusty it is! By the time I got done mixing everything together, my counter and everything on it was coated in a fine layer of brown dust.

The original recipe says to use a stand mixer for all of this, but I didn't feel like hauling mine out of the cupboard so I just used an electric hand mixer in the giant bowl I use when I make cookies. There were points in the process where a stand mixer would have been a better choice, but for the most part it worked out just fine.

The picture above is simply sugar and melted coconut oil mixed together until well-combined.

This picture shows the same bowl after the addition of the eggs, yogurt, and Kahlua (which I used in place of vanilla). One suggestion, if you're clumsy like me: Instead of cracking your eggs directly into the bowl, crack them one at a time into some other container and then dump them in. Makes it a LOT easier if you accidentally drop some shell.

I meant to take a picture before this one, but I was completely covered in cocoa dust and my hands had batter all over them and I didn't stop to clean up enough to be able to grab my phone out of my pocket. Mixing the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients took what felt like the better part of my life (but which in reality was probably only about 15 minutes). I added the flour mixture gradually, in something like six batches, and about halfway through I had to add some of the beer or I would never have been able to mix it. This is where I suspect the stand mixer would have come in handy, but I persevered.

Once the dry ingredients and beer have all been mixed together well, you continue beating the batter for a few minutes. I don't know why beating cake batter longer makes the cake better when mixing bread dough makes bread tougher (there's probably some science in there), but it does.

The batter, which is a lot thicker than I normally see cake batter, is then divided evenly between three baking pans. The original calls for 8-inch pans, but I own 9-inch so that's what I used. Trust me, the cake is PLENTY tall enough, no worries it won't come out as nice.

Also, the original says to grease the pans and then dust them with cocoa powder. I used my best friend Pam for Baking, and didn't sprinkle anything in them.

There's something about the way I make cakes that makes the tops of them come out funny, and I can't figure out what it is. Not that it matters, really, since I always frost them and frosting/icing can compensate for a multitude of sins. It just bugs me.

I also had to bake this for about 15 minutes longer than it said, but that is most likely because I had to bake using two levels of oven rack and I'm still learning how to do that properly. One layer got done in about the right length of time, and then the other two got done at staggered times after that. This is why the toothpick test is always your friend.

Anyway, I turned them out onto cooling racks and left them on the table for I would guess at least four hours before frosting and assembling the cake. You want them to be completely cooled before you do that or your buttercream will melt and the layers will slide.

Speaking of buttercream... The frosting. Beat the butter until it's as fluffy as butter gets, then gradually beat in the powdered sugar and Irish cream until all has been incorporated. The frosting should be fluffy and light, but also thick enough to spread. Remember, it's easier to add more liquid than to take it away, so add your Irish cream slowly and make sure it's all beaten in before adding more.

This looks like way more frosting than you could possibly use for this cake, especially considering you're not supposed to frost the sides. It really isn't. Just divide it into three parts and use 1/3 on each layer as you stack them on a plate.

The original recipe said to decorate with chocolate curls, and those would have been really pretty. I, however, wasn't about to attempt chocolate curls, nor did I remember to buy chocolate so I couldn't have done it if I wanted to. Instead, I used some chocolate sprinkles I had in the cupboard. The ones I used were sort of like Oreo cookie crumbs, and they looked very pretty.

They also had an added bonus I hadn't even planned on. When I put the cake in my carrier, which has held numerous three-layer cakes, it was too tall. The only way I could close it was to push the lid down into the frosting, but since I couldn't figure out any other way to do it I just resigned myself to it not being very pretty when it was served. But it turns out the sprinkles saved it! Very little frosting stuck to the inside of the lid.

This is what I'm saying about how tall this cake is. I realize the sides are cut off in this picture, but that is a standard-size paper plate and the slice laying down nearly fills it from side to side. The original recipe says this serves 10 people. You do NOT want a piece that big, trust me. I would say we actually got about 15 servings out of it, maybe even more. Each piece was cut about 3/4 inch at the outside, down to a point at the center, and it was plenty. This cake is some rich!

Below are the ingredients as given in the original recipe, with my changes noted in parenthesis and italicized after each ingredient I changed.

Guinness Chocolate Cake with Irish Cream Frosting

Serves 10

For The Guinness Cake
3 cups flour
1½ cups cocoa powder
2 Tbsp espresso powder (I used instant coffee)
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 cup vegetable oil (I used coconut oil)
4 cups sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup Greek yogurt ( I used Chobani plain non-fat yogurt) (I used two 5-ounce containers store brand plain)
3 tsp vanilla (I used 3 tablespoons Kahlua)
9 oz of Guinness beer

For The Irish Cream Frosting
4 sticks butter, at room temperature
8 cups confectioners sugar, sifted (I didn't bother sifting)
¼ cup plus 2 Tbsp Irish Cream (I used Bailey's) (I wanted to use Bailey's, but since I owned Emmet's I used it instead)

Again, this recipe comes from A Beautiful Bite, so you'll need to head there for the full instructions.

I'm going to figure the nutrition information on the changes I made as well as with the servings adjusted to 15 instead of 10. Not that it matters... This cake is not for the faint of heart!

Serving Size: 258g

Calories: 981

Calories from Fat: 387

Total Fat: 43.0g

Saturated Fat: 29.5g

Trans Fat: 0.0g

Cholesterol: 116mg

Sodium: 442mg

Total Carbohydrates: 145.1g

Dietary Fiber: 3.2g

Sugars: 118.5g

Protein: 8.0g